Fear of…

Although I dropped it, I’m took a Creative Nonfiction class. Our first assignment was to free write a flash nonfiction piece about our fears based off A. Papatya Bucak’s I Cannot Explain My Fear.

Because of the sheer amount of reflection I’ve done recently, writing this was so simple to me. As you begin to truly embrace yourself and who you are, you embrace what you are afraid of – and I don’t just mean surface level fears like spiders and bears now. I mean those deep fears you shame and try to push to the back of your mind.

Writing this piece also made me realize just how much I am afraid of. However, fearing a lot of things is not necessarily a bad thing. Our fears vary in their importance. Some fears (at least some of mine) seem like a joke. Don’t shy away from your fears because they may seem random or unimportant – embrace them.

To accept yourself you must accept your fears. Once you make friends with your fears, you learn to work with them and not let them hold so much power. Fear is not the enemy.

So here’s the (slightly edited) piece I wrote during class entitled Fear of…

Fear of snakes, spiders, and all bugs. Fear of my feet touching a wet floor – especially in socks. Fear of missed opportunity. Fear of rejection. Fear of failing. Fear of disappointing my mother. Fear of getting pregnant. Fear of never having a baby. Fear of never falling in love. Fear of inconsistency and ambiguity. Fear of not getting my way. Fear of drifting from my plan. Fear of not having a plan. Fear of the unknown even if that is the same as ambiguity. Fear of raw foods. Fear of cancer, diabetes, and disease. Fear of being lost. Fear of being abroad and alone. Fear of being abroad and having a language barrier. Fear of having no money. Fear of struggling in the future. Fear of a freak car accident. Fear of diving into a pool, lake, or any body of water. Fear of the bus tipping over. Fear of racial injustice. Fear of cops. Fear of my brother being like Mike and Trayvon. Fear of death. Fear of my mother dying. Fear of the unknown. (Lowkey) fear of feet. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of wasting a cute outfit on a horrible day. Fear of holding my dreams then dropping them. Fear of my ugly handwriting. Fear of others judging my writing. Fear of a wasted or stolen idea. Fear of sharp objects. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of choosing the wrong guy. Fear of camping in the dark. Fear of my fears.

KM

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